Revitalizing UU Women's Groups

Support Groups

Support groups can help members to identify their strengths and gain confidence, make changes or choose not to change, feel connected with others, and learn to more easily share feelings. Support groups are different from therapy groups that are designed to help individuals alter personality traits. Individuals in support groups are generally instructed to encourage and support other members while in therapy groups, confrontation is also used to help members change and grow.

Unitarian Universalist support groups generally begin with the premise that each person is whole; that timing varies from person to person; that each member has her own answers; and that UU church support groups should be safe for all participants.

Begin by defining what you and other potential members want from a group. Are the needs similar enough to form a cohesive group? Groups are usually most comforting when they bring together persons with at least some similar life circumstances.

Support group facilitators should have experience and/or receive several hours of training from an experienced facilitator before leading groups. Some groups use the same facilitator for each meeting while others rotate leadership among members. Once group members have the skills to facilitate, sharing the responsibility for making the group successful is crucial. This increases members’ investment and enhances cohesion and trust in the group. Trust and cohesion are key components to successful groups. Most support groups ask members to agree, minimally, to the following requirements or ground rules:

A commitment to meet for six to eight weeks and to attend regularly (some groups will choose to continue after the arranged time period and some will not).
A commitment to let the group know if you decide to leave the group. Don’t simply disappear; this robs group members of the opportunity to say “goodbye” and to experience a sense of closure.
Call the leader or another member if you must miss a meeting.
Keep confidential all information that you learn about other members.
Listen carefully to what others say; it is affirming to be listened to.
Do not give advice or judge others’ behaviors or decisions.
Arrive on time and help the facilitator to end on time.

Support groups provide nurturing environments to members who are fundamentally psychologically healthy while therapy groups are both supportive and confrontational and help group members to change aspects of their personalities. It would be a disservice to try to accommodate someone who needs more than situational support. When a group member has very uneven moods or when her concerns are rooted in the past, that person might benefit from therapy. Likewise, others who should not be included in support groups include members with drug addiction, extreme rage and violent tendencies, and other untreated mental health problems. You don’t need to be a psychologist to know when a group member is making the group unmanageable. If your group is having trouble, do consult with an experienced leader.

Most support groups meet for about two hours weekly. The schedule and what is covered are up to group members. Most groups have a check-in period, a sharing time (with the time divided evenly between members), processing or evaluation time, and a closing that includes a reading or reflection.

First meetings of groups are pivotal, and should be carefully planned. Consider the following outline when planning your first meeting:

The meeting should open with a few words from the facilitator or the sponsoring organization to reassure members and put them at ease.
Share the ground rules and the UU philosophy (italicized in the paragraph above).
Use a getting to know you exercise of some kind.
Check-in: Each member takes only a minute or two. Go around and give everyone a chance to say why they came, what they expect from the group, how they are feeling, and whether or not they would like additional “time” for issues they want to share with the group.
“Time” — divided among all that asked for it during check-in.
Closing: Ask participants if the group was what they’d expected it would be and whether or not they plan to return to the group.
Summary is given by the facilitator and group members.
Song, reflection, chant, or statement is repeated by members.