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4. Calling the Circle
To celebrate women in the transition between motherhood and cronehood: acknowledging their current difficulties, accepting them with humor, and breaking their isolation by supporting each other as a circle of women going through the transition together. This ritual celebrates women who have begun the process of menopause but are not finished (crones) yet.
A special time will be designated for the ritual. As each guest enters, she will be welcomed and instructed to make a red and black garland crown for herself (or they can be made ahead of time). She will place the garland on her head. She will go to a table, where there will be paper, scissors, markers, etc. to make a name tag. On the tag she will write her name and some representation of how she sees herself in this transition or how she’d like to be. When everyone has finished making a name tag, the chants used in the ritual can be taught.
In the center of the room there will be an altar with chairs around it. The vase of red flowers may be placed in the center of the altar, surrounded by three candles in the colors of the Triple Goddess: red, black and white (or one candle and pictures representing the maiden, mother and crone). Natural objects representing the four elements (another option: items related to menstruation) will also rest on the altar. A bowl of salt water will also be placed on the altar. Participants will bring a symbol of something they have used to nurture themselves when suffering from menstrual or perimenopause symptoms. They will put the items on the altar later.
Everyone gathers around the altar in a circle. The candle on the altar is lit. An opening prayer and/or blessing is read. An example of a blessing: “Let us open our hearts to ourselves and each other in womanly companionship.”
“There are items on the altar representing the four natural elements, earth, water, fire and air. Let us honor the energy of the elements within us: We are earth. We are dark, we are heavy, we are substantial. We are grounded. We are water. We are fluid, we are clear, we are vital. We are renewed. We are fire. We are bright, we are hot, we are intense. We are aroused. We are air. We are light, we are movement, we are open. We are changed.”
Everyone is thanked for being courageous enough to come. The facilitator explains the purpose of the ritual. For example:
“Our culture’s view of menopause is pretty negative, but in ancient, female-honoring cultures, menopause was considered sacred, along with the other blood mysteries of women—childbirth and menstruation. In fact, the word “blessing” comes from an old English word meaning “bleeding.” Since women could miraculously bleed and not die, menstrual blood was connected with longevity and immortality, healing, and fertility.” (The facilitator talks about the idea of the Triple Goddess of Maiden, Mother, and Crone, passing around pictures to illustrate, mentions how post-menopausal women in other ancient cultures had special privileges.)
“In this view, we are all in transition between the phase of the Mother and that of the Wise Woman. Many of us haven’t stopped bleeding, but our bodies have begun to make the shift that way. And many of us are also feeling a transition in our lives emotionally or intellectually or spiritually, too—not just physically. We may be pausing, looking back on our lives, reevaluating what we want out of life and making plans for the future. But transition times can be confusing, chaotic and scary. After spending a few minutes on getting acquainted, our gathering today will have three parts: an acknowledgment (with humor) of the discomfort that comes with this transition; an exploration of ways to nurture ourselves through this time; and the formation of a circle or web of support. Then we’ll have treats and time to socialize and share information. Let’s begin by reminding ourselves of our inherent power as women.” All stand and sing a woman-honoring chant.
GETTING ACQUAINTED: While remaining standing, each woman in the circle states her name and makes a movement—any movement—to go with it, which the women in the circle repeat. Then, going around the circle again, women say their names and repeat their movements. This time, each woman also explains how/why she fashioned her name tag as she did. After everyone has spoken, the group sings a woman-honoring chant again.
OUR CURRENT SITUATION: A song about menstruation or menopause (preferably funny) such as “Ragtime Rag” by Saffire is played. The facilitator explains how we now have to deal not only with regular period symptoms, but also the symptoms that go with the transition. She suggests the women allow themselves to complain about this: she suggests that as they go around the circle, they pass around a red and black cloth or tampon, etc., and each woman states the worst symptom or problem or loss she is facing about this. After each woman has spoken, everyone responds, “YES” or “Blaach!” and sings “How stressed I am” to the tune of “How dry I am.” Some women may rattle bells or beat drums. After everyone has had a turn, the facilitator asks “Any more?” and anyone can call them out, with appropriate responses. Then the group sings “How stressed I am” again. Then clap, beat drums, etc.
SELF-NURTURE: The facilitator talks about the need for self-nurture while experiencing these symptoms of change. She explains the tradition in ancient woman-honoring cultures of menstruating women going off together to rest, enjoy each other’s company, and listen for inner voices of wisdom. A poem or statement about nurturing oneself is read. Then, going around the circle, each woman uses the symbol she brought to tell the group how she nurtures herself when symptomatic. The symbol is passed around the circle while everyone chants a woman-honoring or gentle chant After everyone has spoken once, the facilitator asks the circle if they have any other ideas; these can be called out, and the group sings the chant after each one.
The bowl of water is picked up by the facilitator, who explains that this is salt water. “Salt water makes up the oceans and our blood, tears and bodies. Water also represents flow—of water, of blood, of change, of renewal. Help us to know that our suffering from this transition will probably not last forever, that our difficulties are not our enemies, but simply part of our body’s way of clearing away in order to gather new power to move into the stage of wise woman. May we learn not to fight our symptoms, but to gently go with the flow.” Each woman takes the bowl in turn, sprinkles a few drops of water on the woman next to her and says, “May you dance your flow.” The woman repeats “May I dance my flow.” This continues around the circle until all have been blessed. All sing a woman-honoring chant.
CONNECTION AND SUPPORT: The facilitator explains how, in many Native American creation myths, Spider Woman (show picture) weaves the world into being. She reminds the group that during the ritual they have begun to weave a community of women who can support them through this transition. To symbolize this creation, they pass a ball of yarn back and forth in the circle (the yarn criss- crosses in the circle, making a web—this activity is from the Rise Up curriculum). As each woman tosses the yarn to another, she calls out one idea or experience from the ritual that she wants to take home with her, remember, and keep in her heart. The group sings “Spider Woman” from the Rise Up curriculum or a similar woman-supporting chant after each turn. Or, instead of singing, the group calls out “May it be so!” after each person has spoken. After all have had a turn, the women lay the web on the floor.
A reading about women’s connection to each other and/or their bodies is read. All say “May it be so!”
The facilitator explains to the group that before they go each woman is encouraged to cut a piece of the web to take home with her. She may also take a flower from the vase on the altar when she leaves. The ritual ends with a blessing such as:
“As we leave this place, may our crown remind us to notice and accept our changing rhythms; may our ritual remind us to take gentle care of ourselves when we need care; may our piece of yarn remind us that we are not alone, that we are part of a web of generations of women who have gone through this change; and may our flower remind us of our inherent beauty, beauty that has nothing to do with age. Blessed be.”
The group sings the woman-honoring chant again and the candle is extinguished.
Tea and treats are served. During refreshments, books and information on menopause are available to look at and group members can share practical information and questions with each other. When each woman is ready to leave, she will take home her flower and crown and a piece of the yarn web.
NOTE: The ritual portion of this gathering for 8–10 women takes approx. 60–75 minutes. Allow more time if there are more participants.
Since quitting her job as an attorney nine years ago, Anne Peek has been reclaiming her love of color, dance, drums, intuition, ritual, writing, play, and the Earth. She is currently finishing a master’s degree in human development. Anne and her husband, and two children, attend the Minnesota Valley UU Fellowship in Bloomington, Minnesota.